


What To Do When Two Of Your Three Friends Are Dead

by YeetYeetStanJohnny



Series: What Led Us Here [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2020-03-26 16:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 12,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19009408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeetYeetStanJohnny/pseuds/YeetYeetStanJohnny
Summary: What do you do when one of your friends dies of lead poisoning?Doyoung knows the routine all too well. You cry, you mourn, and you remember him.What do you do when one of your friends gets murdered?Well, Doyoung's about to find out.





	1. Chapter One

No one knew when the world was going to end. People had suggested various dates for the apocalypse, and they had all, fortunately, been wrong.

Kim Doyoung was not one of these people. For Doyoung, the world had already ended. On the night of April 15th, Earth as it was had ceased to be. Because Ten had ceased to be alive, so clearly, that meant that the rest of the world must’ve died with him.

It hadn’t.

The Earth continued to turn, and the days to change, and the world to function. The apocalypse hadn’t happened, even though Doyoung was sure it had. 

A week after the death of Ten, the world, very much alive and kicking, had managed to do something good, for once. A variety of circumstances had managed to do something that Doyoung, Ten, and Johnny had spent the previous six years thinking was impossible. Lee Taeyong had returned to Seoul.

Unfortunately, Ten never got to witness this, his death being the major factor in which allowed this to happen.

Taeyong had come back. The world had definitely not ended.

Taeyong was back, and Ten was dead, and to Doyoung, those seemed like circumstances which would have brought about the apocalypse. But no apocalypse happened, and the Earth kept turning. Until a month after it had first ended for Doyoung, when a few words brought everything crashing down around him.

Taeyong was dead. He’d been stabbed, and left to bleed out in an alleyway. Taeyong was dead, and he’d died alone. He’d been killed, no, _murdered,_ by the very people responsible for his departure from Seoul those six years ago.

Murdered. An awful, atrocious word describing an awful, atrocious way to die.

Doyoung felt as though the world was collapsing around him. Taeyong had been stabbed, killed, _murdered._ Taeyong was dead, and Doyoung would never get  to see him again. He would never get to find out where Taeyong had left to, and he would never  get to tell him what he’d missed while he’d been gone. Doyoung was never going to see Taeyong ever again.

There was a strange sense of similarity between Ten and Taeyong’s respective deaths. Sure, they’d met vastly different ends, but the aftermath was the same. Johnny had suddenly become Doyoung’s only close friend.

But they weren’t even that close anymore, now that Doyoung really thought about it. There were so many things between them  that they left unspoken.

Doyoung would never tell Johnny about the crushing grief he felt about Ten’s death, or the way he’d felt like the world was ending in the days that followed. He’d never  tell Johnny about the constant fear that every time he saw Taeyong, it would be the last (a fear that eventually came true).

Doyoung would never, _could_ never, tell Johnny about the thing that terrified him the most, that one day, he would wake up to a phone call from the hospital saying that Johnny had died.  

Doyoung could never tell Johnny any of those things, and more. He had a role to play, he had to be the strong friend, the friend that never broke down, because God knows that no one else would play that part. Doyoung had to be the strong friend, because no one else could.

But how long could he keep up that pretense? How long could he keep toeing the thin line between forced stability and total breakdown? How long would it be before he caused an apocalypse of his own?

Doyoung couldn’t answer his own questions, and no one else would ever get to hear them. He still kept wondering, though.

How long would it be until he gave up?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have like no motivation to write at all whoops. Hope you're all ready for some sad angsty Doyoung, cause that's what this whole thing's about.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genuine question: Where do you guys think I'm from?

The next week passed by in a blur, going so quickly that Doyoung lost the ability to tell the days apart. The police had wanted to speak with him, three separate occasions in which Doyoung  told the same information, the only information he had on who would’ve wanted to kill Taeyong.

Taeyong had accidentally gotten involved with the mafia, Doyoung said, and he’d left the country for six years to try and escape from them, and to keep himself alive. He’d only come back because a mutual friend had died, and he thought that the mafia might’ve done it.  They hadn’t, Doyoung had clarified, the friend had died from lead poisoning.  Taeyong had only been back for three weeks, then he’d been killed. There was a silent ‘by the mafia’ Doyoung had left on the end of his sentence. 

The police had seemed dissatisfied with the information that Doyoung had told them. He’d almost told them to ask Johnny about it, but thought better of it. 

Johnny would absolutely not want to speak to the police, and, Doyoung realised with a shock, Johnny didn’t even know that Taeyong had been murdered. 

Because Doyoung, in his daze of grief and police interviews, had somehow let it slip from his mind that Johnny would have no way of finding out about Taeyong’s death, except from Doyoung. 

Fuck. 

Doyoung was a terrible person. He was the worst person. How could he forget to tell his only living friend something of that importance?  His only living friend, who was in the  _fucking_   _hospital_ , seriously ill with lead poisoning, and Doyoung had basically forgotten about him!  Now, he was going to have to go and see Johnny, tell him that Taeyong had been killed a week prior, and then pretend to be the strong friend again. 

Doyoung  felt like such a bad person, and in his mind, that made him one.

* * *

 

Doyoung didn’t remember telling Johnny the news of Taeyong’s death, but he had. Autopilot had taken control of his brain for that moment, and Doyoung was left with a blissfully blank space in place of a memory. 

He didn’t know what Johnny’s reaction had been, and he didn’t want to know either. Doyoung already had a pretty good guess as to what it was. Crushing emptiness over the  sudden realisation that he’d lost another friend in the short span of a month. 

Doyoung was concerned for Johnny’s mental health. Not because of his reaction to death, but his lack of. Johnny just seemed _blank_ , the polar opposite of Doyoung’s apocalypses. 

It couldn’t be healthy, to just keep everything bottled inside. They’d argued about that before, with Ten’s death, and it seemed that Taeyong’s was going to follow the same route. 

Johnny was a human time bomb, ticking away until his inevitable breakdown.  And Doyoung would have to be the one to fix him, to  put the broken pieces of his broken friend back together. 

All while holding himself together with nothing more than a couple of words, ones that his faith in grew weaker with every passing day. 

'This is what I have to do'

'There is no one I can turn to'

'I have to be the strong friend'

'I _have_ to be strong'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops guess who forgot to do this yesterday. Anyway, thanks for reading and remember that I would love to hear your feedback on this story!


	3. Chapter Three

Doyoung was not a fan of funerals. He supposed that no one was, really. Yet, somehow, he had still ended up being somewhat involved in two of them in just over a month. 

He hadn't attended Ten's funeral, given that it was held in Bangkok, and Doyoung was in Seoul. He was pretty sure it had been a lot less depressing than Taeyong's had been. After all, Taeyong  _had_ __been brutally murdered.

It didn’t help that the horrific way that Taeyong’s life had ended was one of the only things Doyoung could think about. At least Ten had died somewhat peacefully. The doctors said that he wouldn’t have been aware of anything during the seizures, and so, he’d felt nothing as his life ended.

Taeyong didn’t. According to the police, he’d either bled out, or he’d choked to death on his own blood. They weren’t quite sure which one it was. Both of them gave Doyoung nightmares.

Some nights, he watched as the crimson pool underneath his friend grew ever larger. Others, he witnessed Taeyong being slowly suffocated by the substance that was meant to keep him alive. The nightmares always started the same way. _Someone_ stabbing Taeyong, and Doyoung never being able to save him. They always ended the same way, too. With Doyoung waking up in tears, a silent plea to whatever deity there was to just let Taeyong _live_ this time. It never worked. Every night, he would dream he was watching Taeyong die, and every time he woke up, it was with the regret that he couldn’t save him.

Not just in a dream world, but in the real one, too. Doyoung couldn’t (or didn’t) save Taeyong, and now, his friend was dead and buried.

One night, Doyoung finally had a different dream.

He was at Taeyong’s funeral, and it was just as quiet and depressing as it had been in reality. There was a key difference, though. Taeyong’s parents weren’t looking mournfully at the casket of their dead son. They were staring at _him,_ eyes cold and angry. They didn’t speak, but it was obvious what they were saying.They blamed him. They thought it was his fault that their son had been brutally murdered. They made it clear that he failed to save him. And when Doyoung awoke, again with tears streaming down his face, he felt worse than all the other times. The imagined anger of Taeyong’s parents somehow affected him more deeply than watching Taeyong be fucking _murdered._

The thought was still clear in Doyoung’s mind.

He hadn’t saved Taeyong. He’d let him die.

He may not have pulled the trigger, but he was damn well sure he’d handed the killer the gun.

* * *

It never seemed to get easier.

Doyoung remembered a quote he’d read somewhere before, ‘time heals all wounds.’ What beautiful bullshit.

Even if time truly was the cure-all for everything, him and Johnny would need an eternity each, if they wanted to be ‘healed’.

For Doyoung, he couldn’t see himself ever getting over this. How was he supposed to? The friend that he hadn’t seen in six years, who they’d assumed was pretty much dead by then, finally comes back.

Taeyong had come back. And then he was taken from them again, this time for good.

They’d had three weeks together, actually, it was really only two. Doyoung had spent the first week he’d known about Taeyong being incredibly angry and resentful towards him. He’d punched him in the face, the first time they’d met in six years.

Doyoung regretted that. These days, he had many things he regretted. Mostly about Taeyong.

He couldn’t stop thinking that, somehow, he could’ve prevented Taeyong’s murder. He could’ve saved him.

This wasn’t like how Johnny felt about Ten’s death. Ten had died of lead poisoning, and there was no way that Johnny was to blame for it. Ten had been sick. They both had. There was nothing that even implied it was Johnny’s fault.

Not like Doyoung. If he had done things differently, Taeyong would still here, alive. Not buried somewhere with hardly anyone knowing about it. And those who did know, wished they didn't.

Sometimes, Doyoung thought it would’ve been better if Taeyong had died during those six years. It was sick, but he still thought about it.

They’d already mourned for Taeyong. Him, and Johnny, and Ten. They grieved for the friend they’d lost, who wasn’t even dead yet, not that they had any way of knowing it back then. They’d mourned him.

Others had, too.

Taeyong had made many acquaintances during his time at college, and his sudden disappearance had been a huge shock. Doyoung was still in contact with a few of them. He wondered if he should tell them Taeyong’s dead.

Maybe he shouldn’t. After all, it’s been six years since they last saw him. It wouldn’t come as a huge shock if one or two of them had forgotten all about Taeyong.

Doyoung wished he could do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: up until last Sunday, this was the whole story so far


	4. Chapter Four

Doyoung was falling deeper and deeper into an abyss of grief and there seemed to be no way out. He wasn’t doing a good job of hiding it, either. 

Even his co-workers had started noticing that something was wrong, one discreetly pulling him over to the side to ask what was going on. Doyoung had given her the bare minimum, simply stating, ‘one of my friends from college died recently.’ It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t quite the whole story. 

Thankfully, Sooyoung either never caught on that there was more to be said, or she was too polite to ask. She’d apologised for his loss, and returned to her work. Doyoung hadn’t noticed, his mind having gone to the familiar place of blaming himself for Taeyong’s death. 

It got worse.  He couldn’t focus while doing his job, opting for staring into space instead. He’d had to speak to his supervisor more times in the past  few weeks than he’d done so in the entire previous year. It always went the same way.

‘I understand that you’re going through a difficult time, but you shouldn’t be letting it affect your  work to the extent that you’ve been doing.’

And every time, Doyoung always had the same thought:

‘Fuck you. You have no idea what this feels like. You _will_ never, know what this feels like.'

Of course, those were only thoughts. In reality, he just politely nodded, and ignored the forced sympathetic looks. 

It didn’t help that Sooyoung was still trying to offer unwanted support. It was annoying, really, how insistent she was, even though they’d hardly spoken before she’d decided to help (or irritate the fuck out of) her pathetically sad co-worker. 

She left things for him on his desk, which Doyoung either returned to her, or threw out when she wasn’t looking. Most of the time, it was little notes, usually saying something along the lines of ‘I’m here for you if you want to talk.’ Sometimes, it was cookies, which Doyoung always put back on her desk, with a silent ‘thanks but no thanks.’ He might be a total fucking mess, but he didn’t have the heart to waste food like that. 

It went on like that for the better part of a month, until Sooyoung decided to confront him about it. 

It turns out that Doyoung was much less inconspicuous about throwing away her notes than he thought he was, and she had noticed just about every time he’d done so. Also, the cookie thing. Pretty damn obvious what had happened there. 

Sooyoung had just dealt with Doyoung denying her attempts at being a kind co-worker, until she’d finally had enough. 

This all happened on one fateful day, when she cornered him during their lunch break, and all-but-forced him into going to her apartment after work to talk. 

Doyoung couldn’t deny that Sooyoung was one convincing woman. And that she was intimidating. 

The combination of those  two traits had led to him sitting on her couch, while she talked him into revealing his ‘tragic  backstory’. 

And for some reason, Doyoung did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, I've just genuinely been in too much pain to write


	5. Chapter Five

He started at the very beginning, telling the story of how he’d met Johnny, Ten, and Taeyong. 

Sooyoung had listened carefully, only interrupting once when her phone rang and she had to take it. She’d left the room to talk, and returned with a soft smile and a ‘right, so where were we? Johnny was clueless about the whole thing…’ 

It almost felt normal, like they were just casually recounting their college years. 

It didn’t last. 

The mood turned much darker as Doyoung spoke about Taeyong’s disappearance, and he found himself saying things he’d never told anyone  about his thoughts on the whole situation. 

‘It just seemed almost pointless to talk about him anymore. It wasn’t like it was going to bring him back, or make anything better. We just… stopped bringing him up. I guess we just assumed  that it was for the best.’

Sooyoung nodded thoughtfully.

‘By the way, what did you say Taeyong’s family name was? I can’t remember.’

Doyoung felt slightly confused at why she wanted to know, but he answered anyway.

‘Lee. Lee Taeyong.’

She was silent for a moment, and Doyoung could almost see the cogs turning in her brain as she thought. He was about to say something else, just to break the silence, when Sooyoung  suddenly spoke up.

‘I know him! I know that story!’

There were no words in any language that could accurately describe the utter confusion  Doyoung was experiencing.

‘I… what? How? I don’t think you ever…’

Sooyoung interrupted him mid-sentence.

‘I heard about his case a few years ago, from my girlfriend. She’s really into unsolved  disappearances, and she found a copy of his file online. Hold on, I’ll get my laptop.’

She got up and left, and Doyoung was still trying to process exactly what had just happened. Sooyoung _knew_ about Taeyong? She’d read his case file? What the fuck? This was definitely a record-breaking coincidence. 

He had no more time for thoughts, as Sooyoung returned, her  laptop in hand.

‘See? Someone published a bunch of missing person files from around that time. His stuck out  to me because, well, there isn’t a better way to phrase it, because it made zero sense.’

She handed him the laptop, and Doyoung was faced with a photo of his then-twenty-year-old friend. It almost made him sick to look at. 

Taeyong had been so _young,_ barely an adult, when he’d been forced to flee for his life. 

He read the file in silence, well aware of Sooyoung watching him do so. When he was finished, he handed the laptop back to her, and tried to think of anything  to say in response to what he’d just found out.

‘Did you… did you ever find out what happened to him?’

Sooyoung’s voice was soft, and when Doyoung turned to look at her, tears shone in her eyes.

‘Mafia,’ He breathed out. ‘The mafia made him leave. We never got to know where he went to.’

Sooyoung put her laptop down, and turned so they were fully facing each other.

‘’We’ meaning…?’

Doyoung forced the words past the lump in his throat.

‘Me and Johnny. Ten died three months ago. Lead poisoning. Johnny has it, too. He’s still in the  hospital.’ 

She placed a hand on his arm, and when she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper.

‘And Taeyong?’

He choked back a sob.

‘He… came back after Ten died. Thought the mafia did it. I was angry at him for running away.  When I saw him for the first time in six years, I punched him in the face.’ 

Doyoung took a breath, then he continued.

‘We had three weeks together, then… ‘

He couldn’t say it out loud. Not to someone other than himself. Sooyoung filled in the blanks.

‘They killed him.’

Doyoung could hardly form words in between the grief that racked his body, but he did.

‘And it’s my fault.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've pretty much lost whatever sliver of motivation I had, this may or may not take a small hiatus while I sort my shit out


	6. Chapter Six

‘No, it isn’t.’

Sooyoung’s blunt words shocked him.

‘It’s not your fault, Doyoung. It will  _ never  _ be your fault.’

Doyoung tried to tearfully say something, but she cut him off.

‘Did you personally murder Taeyong? No? Then it’s not your fault. You’re dealing with a lot of  pain following his death, and since you don’t know who killed him, you’re blaming yourself.’

There was a sense of familiarity in those words, and Doyoung realised that he’d basically said  the same thing to Johnny, after Ten had died. 

‘I get it, Sooyoung. Taeyong’s dead. I didn’t do it. I shouldn’t think that it’s my fault.’

Sooyoung nodded, and gave him a soft smile.

‘Do you want to talk about Taeyong? About the good things, not his disappearance or death.’

There it was again, one of the things he’d said to Johnny about Ten. Doyoung was beginning to  realise that wallowing in sadness was a shitty way of dealing with grief.

‘I remember that he acted like he was our mom, always looking out for us, and making sure we  didn’t do anything stupid.’

Sooyoung laughed at that.

‘I think everyone has a friend like that, don’t they?’

In spite of what they’d just been discussing, Doyoung found himself smiling.

‘He was pretty good with relationship advice, too. I mean, it’s thanks to him that Ten never  moved back to Thailand because he didn’t know how to deal with having a crush.’

Sooyoung laughed again, bright and warm. 

‘One time, I had some stupid essay due in two days that I hadn’t started, and he pulled an all-nighter with me to make sure that I finished it. Obviously, he regretted the next morning, but  it’s the thought that counts, right?’

‘You two must’ve been really close.’

Doyoung smiled sadly.

‘We were. I miss him.’

There was a warm hand on his arm, and a kind face looking at him.

‘Of course you do.’

Sooyoung absentmindedly glanced over at the clock, and was shocked at the time.

‘Oh my god, it’s nine thirty.’

‘What? Oh shit, I should go.’

Doyoung stood up, and turned to face Sooyoung.

‘Thank you. Really.’

The resulting grin from Sooyoung could’ve rivaled the sun, had it been during the day.

‘I’ll see you on Monday, alright?’

‘I’ll make you cookies! You better eat them this time, got it?’

Doyoung couldn’t help but laugh at that.

‘Yep, got it!’

That night, his walk home was different. Not just because it was four hours later than usual, or because it was a different direction than normal. 

It was because of Sooyoung. 

Thanks to her, Doyoung felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was no longer carrying around all the grief and blame that came after Taeyong’s death, having aired it all out to her. It felt freeing. 

It also made him feel like a huge idiot for not talking to anyone sooner. He’d spent two fucking months spiralling deeper and deeper into a pit of sadness, and never once thought that he might need help. He’d retreated into his thoughts, and everything else had taken a backseat. Doyoung, you dumbass. 

He really owed Sooyoung for this. Too bad he couldn’t bake for shit. Oh well, another way, then. He’d find something eventually. 

After all, he had all this  free time to spend  _ not  _ being sad and pathetic. 

* * *

 

Doyoung discovered that having friends who aren’t in the hospital or buried was pretty damn great. 

Of course, he hadn’t given up on Johnny. He’d told him all about Sooyoung, and Johnny had seemed genuinely happy for him.  He’d also thought that Doyoung had a crush on her, which led to a brief conversation that could be summed up in ‘she’s a lesbian, idiot’. 

Doyoung and Sooyoung had quickly become good friends, which he supposed was due to the fact that he’d literally told her his deepest secret. You can’t really top that.  He’d even taken her to meet Taeyong. 

It had been Doyoung’s idea, brought up after a discussion of their lives in college. Taeyong would have liked her, he’d said, and she’d followed it up with ‘I wish I could’ve met him’. Which was obviously impossible, considering that it was Taeyong’s death that brought them together, but Doyoung didn’t say that out loud. 

They’d planned it during their lunch break one day. To anyone eavesdropping, it would’ve sounded like they were arranging a casual outing to meet up with someone. 

Which, technically, they were. Except that the someone in question was dead, and the outing was to a cemetery. 

It had just about broken Doyoung’s heart when they’d arrived at Taeyong’s grave, and Sooyoung had sat down, and introduced herself.  He’d turned away from them then, to keep from crying, and to give them some privacy. 

There was a tree a few metres away from Taeyong’s grave, and Doyoung had sat under it and watched. 

It was admittedly a strange sight to see. Sooyoung, sitting at the foot of the grave of a person she’d never met, talking like he was actually _there_ , and not just six feet under. 

If Doyoung tried hard enough, he could imagine Taeyong sitting across from her, happily chatting away. Taeyong definitely would’ve liked her, he decided again. So would’ve Ten. 

It was a shame that Sooyoung hadn’t gone to the same university as them, and that it had to be death that started their friendship. 

When she was finished talking to Taeyong, Sooyoung walked over to Doyoung’s tree, and sat next to him.

‘I think I would’ve liked him too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you didn't read the tags, Sooyoung is Red Velvet's Joy, not SNSD's Sooyoung


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops sorry for disappearing

Apparently, one of the side effects from severe lead poisoning was that the person with the lead poisoning suddenly had a terrible memory. At least, that’s what Doyoung thought.

No matter how many times he reminded Johnny, his friend still seemed to think that Doyoung and Sooyoung would make a great couple. Which was obviously impossible, considering that Sooyoung was already seeing someone, and that someone was a woman.

Because she was gay.

It didn’t matter how many times Doyoung repeated this to Johnny, he still seemed to be under the impression that Doyoung had a massive crush on her.

Which, again, was impossible. Sooyoung was gay, and Doyoung only saw her as a friend. Or as a sister. Two things which did not equal relationship material, no matter what Johnny thought.

It _did_ get Doyoung thinking, though. When was the last time he’d dated someone? Like, genuinely dated? Not just the get-drunk-and-make-out thing that he’d done in college, on more occasions than he could count. 

There _had_ been a few sort-of relationships that he’d had during that time, but they’d mostly just consisted of the same routine, repeated until both parties got too bored to continue, and mutually agreed to end it.

Now that he was thinking about it, Doyoung wasn’t really sure if those even counted. After all, it wasn’t like they’d really had feelings for each other, just that it seemed to be what everyone else was doing.

Dating had just never been his thing in college. He’d preferred talking about other peoples’ relationships to finding one of his one.

It wasn’t like he was a loner, he just didn’t really see what all the hype was about. Sure, _some_ people met their future spouses in college, but that was a very small few. Also, most of them were fictional. Damn it, K-drama, ruining everyone’s expectations for love.

Honestly, Doyoung had just never really had an interest in romance.

And it wasn’t like anyone had ever expressed an interest in _him_ , either. Not like the drunk girls who used to hit on Johnny, unaware that he was very much gay, and very much taken.

Those girls always treated Doyoung as a way to get to Johnny, walking up to him with a ‘hey, what’s your friend’s name?’ and a drunken attempt at looking flirty. Good thing Johnny was way too awkward to ever get anywhere with them, nearly always resorting to the never-fail tatic of ‘pretending that he couldn’t speak or understand Korean’.

It was also a good thing that the girls were always too drunk to question exactly what Johnny was doing in Korea, if he couldn’t understand anything that was going on. Or that he seemed to be conversing just fine with his Korean friends, just before they’d shown up.

College had been a simpler time. There had been a lot less things to worry about. Doyoung had stayed up thinking about essays and exams then, now, it was about whether the last time he'd been and visited Johnny would be _the_  last time, or wondering about exactly who had killed Taeyong, and wondering how the fuck they knew he was back in Seoul.

College _had_ been a simpler time. Of course, that had all changed with Taeyong's disappearance.

And the seemingly good times of just over two months had all changed with Taeyong's death.

But that was fine.

Doyoung had accepted it now. Besides, he stillhad Johnny, and now, he had Sooyoung. He'd made his peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try and post this whole thing fairly quickly, because I really should've updated more frequently, but now I've got a ton of other things to do and I'm about to have a fucking mental breakdown


	8. Chapter Eight

As it turns out, Doyoung was very bad at remembering to tell people things, a fact most noticeable by how he had completely forgotten to tell Johnny _anything_ about Taeyong’s funeral. 

He’d only realised this two and a half months after the aforementioned event had taken place, when Johnny had asked him ‘hey, did Taeyong have a funeral or not?’. 

Doyoung’s immediate response had been to go ‘oh shit, I never told you’. Because he was just that eloquent of a person. 

There really wasn’t much to say about Taeyong’s funeral, anyway. For one, there were only three people in attendance who’d actually _known_ Taeyong, plus the church minister.  Two, the other two not-Doyoung attendees were Taeyong’s parents, whom Doyoung had never met before.  And three, the parents of his dead friend only ever said two things to him the whole time they had been there. So all in all, it had definitely not put the ‘fun’ in ‘funeral’. 

Johnny still felt bad that he’d missed it, even though there really wasn’t anything to be missed. Besides, he was still too sick to leave the hospital, so at least he had a solid excuse. 

They both had good excuses for not attending Ten’s funeral, considering that it was in Thailand, and Johnny had been in a fucking coma. 

Technically, Doyoung didn’t really have an excuse for not going to Ten’s funeral, but he would argue that having your (suddenly) only friend being on the verge of dying is a valid reason for not doing something. 

Too bad having dead friends didn’t let him get away with half-assing his work, but also, the dead friends _were_ the reason he was half-assing his work, so if his supervisor could just, like, chill for a minute, that would be great, thanks. 

Oh well, Doyoung  could always just sue him if that didn’t happen. That was a pretty decent back-up plan.

* * *

 

If there was one fault to be found in the otherwise model-citizen Sooyoung, it was that she asked too many questions.  To be more specific, she asked too many questions about Doyoung’s ‘tragic backstory’ (neither of them called it that, but it was obvious that it could be defined as such). 

Actually, he didn’t really mind her asking all those questions about his friends, because he knew that they stemmed from genuine curiosity. 

It was just that she only ever asked about his _dead_ friends, which Doyoung couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit offended on Johnny’s behalf. I mean, there was a finite amount of things to be said about Ten and Taeyong, and eventually, he was going to run out of stuff to say, considering that they were, y’know, dead and not doing anything new for them to talk about, besides decomposing. 

To be fair, there really wasn’t all that much to say about Johnny, with him being in the hospital and all. 

Plus, it was one thing for Doyoung to tell Sooyoung everything about Ten and Taeyong, since there was no way that they would ever find out about it (unless there really was an afterlife, but Doyoung would cross that bridge when he got to it). 

But it was an entirely different thing for Doyoung to tell Sooyoung everything about Johnny, given that Johnny was very much alive, and had never met Sooyoung. Also, just like, privacy. 

Maybe Sooyoung just had some weird thing about dead people, in that she was interested in the lives of deceased strangers.  Man, if that was true, then she’d hit the jackpot with Doyoung, who had not only one, but _two_ dead friends! And one of them had been involved with the mafia, which was eventually what killed him! What a pleasant thing to discuss with your friends! 

In all honesty, Doyoung didn’t really mind talking about Ten and Taeyong with Sooyoung. It wasn’t like she only wanted to know all the depressing details, she seemed genuinely interested in what they’d been like, as friends and as people in general. 

In a way, it was helping Doyoung be less depressed over them, by remembering the good things about the time that they’d spent together, and not the completely-fucking-terrible things. 

Doyoung had spent too much time thinking about those things, and he’d found that it was a complete  waste of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I wrote 5000 words of this in three days


	9. Chapter Nine

‘So, how’s the lead poisoning these days?’

That was a question Doyoung asked nearly every time he went to see Johnny. Usually, Johnny replied with something along the lines of ‘fucking terrible’. This time, however, that was not the response.

‘Actually, I think it’s getting better.’

Doyoung’s jaw just about hit the floor when he heard that.

‘Really?! That’s great news!’

It _was_ great news.  Johnny had been in the hospital for three and a half months at this point, and he’d never seemed very optimistic about getting better.  But, obviously, he had been. 

Slowly, but surely, the myriad of medication that did god-knows-what had taken effect, and now that Doyoung had officially moved out of his own head, he could see the difference in Johnny.  Johnny seemed less tired than he had been before, and while still incredibly pale, he’d lost the corpse-like complexion. 

Best of all, he just seemed _happier_ , a far cry from the permanent dark mood he’d had for at least two months straight. At the time, Doyoung hadn’t been sure if it was from the lead poisoning, the head injury, or the grief. 

Now, he realised that had been, at least partly, his fault, for being a complete fucking mess of a person and doing nothing about it.  Doyoung was no psychologist, but he was gonna assume that if the only person you saw on a regular basis was really sad all the time, you probably weren’t going to be feeling all sunshine and rainbows. Sorry about that, Johnny. 

In all honesty, Doyoung was thrilled that Johnny was beginning to get better. He’d missed him a lot during these past few months, missed being able to see him whenever, not just during visiting hours (god bless that one nurse that would always let him stay just a little bit longer). 

Doyoung had missed Johnny, so fucking much. 

And although he knew things were never going to go back to the way they once were, with both Ten and Taeyong being dead, he couldn’t help but hope for the return of some sense of normalcy with each other.

It was obvious that their lives had been forever changed by the events which had taken place, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t change for the better. 

Johnny was probably never going to get over losing Ten and Taeyong, and neither was Doyoung, but at least now they were beginning to cope with that loss in a healthier way. It was always going to be something in the backs of their minds, but Doyoung wasn’t going to let it be the _only_ thing in his mind anymore. 

Things were going to get better. And Doyoung was looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah we're halfway there


	10. Chapter Ten

Hospitals were not fun. Doyoung had known this for many months now, having spent quite a lot of time visiting Johnny in one. He’d just never had a personal opinion on hospitals. 

Until now. 

It turns out that's it's also not very fun to fall down half a flight of stairs, nor is dislocating your shoulder doing so. The only fun part about the whole experience was the morphine, which gave Doyoung the sensation of being really fucking high. Summit of Mount Everest, halfway to the moon, helium balloon let go by a five year old, that kind of high. 

Unfortunately, there’s only so much pain that morphine can take away, and Doyoung was reminded of that every single time he tried to move his left arm. But according to the doctor, that was normal, and it would continue to do so for about two weeks. Yay, two weeks of only having one functioning arm. 

But before Doyoung could go home and experience all that fun, he had something that he needed to do. He figured that since he was already in the hospital, it would be way easier to go visit Johnny. But things don't always go the way that you plan, well, they never seemed to go that way for Doyoung.

In fact, he only managed to make it a grand total of four feet down the hallway before a nurse found him and escorted him back to his room. So much for visiting Johnny. Doyoung wasn't sure how he'd managed to be caught, but it probably had something to do with how he'd managed to walk into both the doorway and wall, and in doing so, had made quite a bit of noise. 

Actually, Doyoung was slightly thankful for being caught by the nurse, because he had no fucking clue where he was going, and he'd hurt his injured shoulder when he'd walked into the wall. 

In hindsight, trying to go see Johnny while high on pain meds and slightly concussed was probably not a very good idea, which Doyoung realised after he'd tried to do so. He blamed the morphine for impairing his judgement. 

Oh well, there was always tomorrow to go and see Johnny, and something pretty interesting to tell him. Or terrible, depending on how you look at it.  Doyoung was just thinking on the positive side of things. 

Or maybe that was the morphine again.

* * *

 

So, Doyoung _may_ or may not have forgotten to tell Sooyoung about the whole ‘falling down the stairs’ incident that had happened, and he also may or may not have left his phone in his apartment, which meant that he never got to see the messages that she’d left him until he’d been discharged from hospital. 

Whoops. 

The general gist of the messages had gotten through to Doyoung, even through his haze of concussion and painkillers. Sooyoung was very worried about him, and was desperate to hear from him, just to see if he was okay.

Doyoung felt that the question of ‘are you okay’ needed more definition. Did it mean ‘are you alive’? ‘Are you currently un-injured’? ‘Is the state of your mental health well enough that you would not need to be involuntarily hospitalised’? Doyoung had the answers to those questions. Yes, no, maybe. 

But ‘are you okay’? He didn’t know the answer to that one. 

But, he figured it was easy enough to bullshit an answer to Sooyoung, and so, he decided that he should probably call her back,  before she gathered a search party.

‘Hey, Sooyoung.’

‘What the fuck happened to you?! I thought you were dead!’

Shit. Doyoung should’ve probably, no, _definitely,_ seen this coming. This was Sooyoung we were  talking about, of course she was immediately going to assume it was the worse-case scenario. 

‘Don’t worry, I’m fine. I fell down a flight of stairs and went to the hospital, that’s all.’

‘What the fuck, Doyoung?!’

Whoops. Maybe honesty  _ wasn’t  _ the best policy after all. 

‘Obviously you’re not fine, considering that you fell down a _flight of stairs,_ and went to the fucking  _ hospital _ !’

This conversation was getting to be a bit much for Doyoung’s concussed, tripping-on-painkillers  head. It didn’t help that Sooyoung was practically yelling in his ear.

‘Look, I’ve got a concussion, and I dislocated my shoulder, so you being pissed at me for  something that happened accidentally isn’t really helping right now, okay?’

Sooyoung was silent for a moment, before finally replying.

‘Fine, sorry. When will you be back at work?’ 

‘Probably when I stop feeling like I’m on a carousel 24/7.’

‘Oh. Well, I hope you get better soon.’

Doyoung could practically _hear_ the awkward look on Sooyoung’s face, even though this was a  conversation over the phone.

‘Yeah, thanks. Bye.’

He hung up before she could say anything else. Maybe he should’ve just texted her instead of calling. Then he wouldn’t have had to face the strangely angry Sooyoung.  Why had she been so pissed? He literally couldn’t tell her anything until now, when he finally got home. Sometimes,  Sooyoung could be pretty weird about things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops I forgot to post on Saturday


	11. Chapter Eleven

Doyoung wasn’t allowed to go back to work until he got over his concussion, and to him, it seemed like that day wasn’t anywhere in the near future. A few weeks feel like a lot when you’ve literally got nothing to do. 

So Doyoung decided to visit Johnny, and rant to him about the strange  conversation he’d just had with Sooyoung.

‘Dude, she was so fucking pissed at me for falling down the stairs. I wasn’t ignoring her on  purpose, I was in the  _ hospital. _ Jesus christ.’

Johnny nodded in agreement with him. 

‘Does she think you secretly hate her, so much so that you’d rather throw yourself down a flight  of stairs than talk to her?’

‘I don’t know, probably!’

Johnny couldn’t help but laugh at Doyoung’s response. It was pretty funny to see him get all worked up  and theorizing about a simple phone call with Sooyoung.

‘I mean, she  _ did  _ seem pretty worried about you, maybe that’s why?’

Doyoung stopped pacing around, and turned to look at Johnny.

‘So? I was really worried about _you_ when you were first admitted, but I didn’t leave you twenty  thousand fucking messages!’

‘You and me had very different circumstances that led to us being hospitalized. I was literally on  the verge of dying. You had a dislocated shoulder and a head injury. Not quite the same thing.’

Doyoung sat back down.

‘Shit, sorry. I just don’t get why she was so mad at me about it.’

‘Yeah, shouldn’t she have been interested in it? I mean, from what you’ve told me, it seems like  she’s always making you talk about your ‘tragic backstory’.’

That response completely stumped Doyoung.

‘The fuck do you mean? What’s my ‘tragic backstory’?’

Johnny shrugged.

‘You know, Ten and Taeyong dying, that stuff. You said she likes hearing you talk about them.’

‘When did I tell you that?’

Johnny shrugged again.

‘Like two weeks ago. Your memory’s worse than mine these days.’

Doyoung didn’t say anything in return.

‘Look, point is, Sooyoung’s got some weird thing about you and our dead friends, which is  strange as fuck, and somehow you haven’t noticed this yet.’

‘Huh. I never really thought about it like that. Now that you mention it, it’s actually pretty creepy  that she only really wants me to talk about Ten and Taeyong.’

‘She doesn’t care about me because I’m not dead. Is that what you’re implying?’

Doyoung choked on nothing.

‘I never said that!’

‘No, but you  _ implied  _ it. Details, Doyoung.’

**** Doyoung shook his head.

‘What do you want me to do with this information, confront her?’

‘Sure, why not?’

‘If she gets mad at me, it’s all your fault.’

‘Then sue me.’

Doyoung gave Johnny a puzzled look.

‘Sometimes, you’re really fucking weird.’

Johnny grinned at him.

‘You love me for that.’

Doyoung rolled his eyes.

‘I absolutely do not. I have never loved you in my life, and I never will.’

‘Liar. You love me’

He did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess who my NCT bias is?
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> (It's Yuta)


	12. Chapter Twelve

‘We need to talk.’

Doyoung had decided to take Johnny’s advice, and confront Sooyoung about her weird thing for his dead friends. Who she had never met. 

Yeah, it _was_ pretty creepy. 

Doyoung had decided to arrange a time to meet up, and he had done so over text, to avoid a part two of ‘Sooyoung yelling at her concussed friend over the phone’. Sooyoung had responded with a ‘fine, when’, and hadn’t bothered to say anything after he’d told her. 

Doyoung was not looking forward to this  at all. The conversation that he’d had with Johnny the day before hadn’t helped either. 

‘Seriously, what do I say to her?’

Johnny sighed, not for the first time in that conversation.

‘Just say ‘look, you’re kind of obsessed with my dead friends, and I think that’s creepy, could  you please stop.’’

‘And then that pisses her off so much that she drop kicks me into the Pacific Ocean, killing me  on impact. Great plan, Johnny.’ 

Johnny rolled his eyes.

‘That’s not going to happen. Stop being so overdramatic.’

Okay, maybe Doyoung was just a _tiny_ bit overdramatic, but he was genuinely worried as to how Sooyoung would react. He didn’t want her to be mad at him, even though she already was, kind of. He just wanted her to stop being weirdly obsessive over dead people. 

That’s what he was going to tell her. ‘Please stop being weirdly obsessive over my dead friends’. Great plan, Doyoung. 

Now all there was left to do was wait for Sooyoung to show up. 

So Doyoung waited. And waited. And just when he’d gotten to the point where he had given up on waiting, his phone  buzzed with a text.

‘Sorry can’t make it. Forgot I had other plans.’

Fucking great. Well, there goes almost two hours of Doyoung’s life, completely wasted. 

Sooyoung hated him, didn’t she? What other explanation was there? 

Doyoung knew that he hadn’t been the greatest of friends to Sooyoung, but nothing that he’d done explained why she seemingly hated his guts now. Was she really that mad about him being in hospital and not telling her until he’d gotten out (because he literally had no way to tell he until then)? 

Wasn’t this just fucking ironic. The only friend Doyoung has, who isn’t dead or in the hospital, turns out to be a crazy person. Man, it really seemed like god was always coming up with new ways to screw with him. What the fuck had Doyoung done to deserve this? Had he been a serial killer in his past life, and this was karma? Honestly, who knew. 

If Sooyoung suddenly decided she hated Doyoung, then that was her problem. What was she going to do without him? Go find another sad coworker to talk to, in the hopes of getting them to reveal their tragic backstory involving their dead friends? Yeah, have fun with that, Sooyoung. 

How could someone genuinely enjoy doing something like that? Bonding with someone for the express purpose of obsessing over their dead friends? 

The longer that Doyoung thought about the way Sooyoung had acted around him, the more things he could see were just plain weird about her. Besides the whole ‘dead friends’ thing, Sooyoung seemed to have some strange obsession with death. Sure, being a fan of horror movies was one thing, but complaining about how unrealistic the death scenes were? That was on a whole different level. 

Oh god, what if Sooyoung was a serial killer? Oh god, what if she wanted to kill _him?_

Maybe, befriending her lonely grieving coworkers was something that she did on the regular, and then once she’d gotten them to completely open up to her, she killed them, and staged it as their suicide. 

After all, no one’s going to be _too_ surprised if the guy who’s been pretty depressed ever since two of his friends died killed himself, right? 

Maybe, that had been Sooyoung’s plan all along. Make him only talk about his dead friends, so it seems like he always thinks about dying, and then kill him. Who would blame Sooyoung for a murder? She was so kind, and caring, and the last person that you’d ever suspect to be involved in someone’s death. 

She must’ve thought she lucked out when she’d met Doyoung. Not one, but _two_ dead friends? Perfect. 

Oh god, what if she really had been meaning to do all that? What if she’d done it before? When Doyoung had thought she was crazy for being mad at him, he hadn’t meant _this_ kind of crazy. 

Maybe, she already had a solid plan to kill him, and was mad that he’d upset it by being in the hospital. If that was true, then hadn’t she just screwed it up by freaking out at him? After all, he’d told Johnny all about that conversation, and Doyoung was willing to bet that the nurse who came in to take Johnny’s vitals had heard at least _some_ of what was being said. Jesus Christ. 

When Doyoung had first started thinking about why Sooyoung was obsessed with his dead friends, he didn’t think he’d come to the conclusion that she wanted to kill him. Why would Sooyoung be so nice to him in the first place, if her end goal was to kill him? She could’ve just followed him home one night, and shoved him in front of a bus. 

It didn’t make any sense. Why bother getting him to let his guard down, when she could’ve just killed him at the start? 

Doyoung didn’t even know for sure if Sooyoung wanted to kill him, it was just the conclusion that he’d come to. Whether it was true or not, that didn’t matter for the moment. What mattered was that 

Doyoung had one hell of a theory to tell Johnny. And he was going to do just that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm a dumb bitch who forgot to post


	13. Chapter Thirteen

‘You think she wants to  _ kill _ you?’

Johnny sounded very confused, courtesy of Doyoung spending ten minutes hurriedly explaining  his Sooyoung theory to him.

‘Look, I know it sounds crazy, but it makes sense! Why else would she have a weird thing about  dead people, specifically, our dead friends?’ 

Now that he was saying it out loud, Doyoung realised that his theory about Sooyoung _did_ make  him sound like he had lost all of his marbles, but did he care? No. 

‘Wait, hold up. Let’s go back to the dead friends thing. You said Sooyoung only wanted you to  talk about Ten and Taeyong, right?’

‘Yeah, why?’

Johnny thought for a moment.

‘Did she want you to talk about both of them, or one in particular?’

‘She seemed more interested in hearing about Taeyong, most of the time.’

Another brief silence.

‘And what happened to Taeyong?’

Doyoung had no clue where Johnny was going with this, but he replied anyway.

‘He accidentally got involved with the mafia, left, came back, and got murdered.’

Johnny snapped his fingers.

‘Exactly.’

The cogs in Doyoung’s brain kept turning, but nothing seemed to make sense.

‘Look, I don’t get what you mean by involving Taeyong in… oh shit. Oh shit.’

Doyoung buried his head in his hands.

‘She’s with the fucking mafia, isn’t she? Oh fuck, she’s going to kill me. I pissed off the mafia girl and now she’s going to kill me and dump my body into the Han river. She’s in the fucking mafia,  what the fuck.’

They didn’t have to look at each other to know they were both thinking the same thing: ‘what do  we do now?’

‘I’m not running away to Mongolia, or wherever the fuck Taeyong went to.’

‘I wasn’t going to suggest that you do that.’

Doyoung looked up at him.

‘What were you going to suggest then?’

Johnny shrugged.

‘I wasn’t. How the fuck should I know what we’re meant to do now?’

Doyoung buried his head in his hands again.

‘We’re going to be murdered by my mafia coworker, that’s what we’re meant to do. Guess it’s  finally time to run away to Jeju like I always wanted to.’

‘I didn’t know you wanted to go to Jeju.’

‘I was being sarcastic.’

There was a brief silence as they both thought of a way they could get out of this utter mess.

‘Hey, did you ever want to see Chicago?’

Doyoung’s head snapped up at that.

‘We’re not running away to your fucking _hometown_. No. Absolutely not. Besides, you’re stuck in  hospital for the time being, so there’s no way we’re getting out of Korea any time soon.’

‘I didn’t say I’d come with you.’

Man, Doyoung’s brain cogs were especially slow today, right when he needed them.

‘Why the hell would I run away to Chicago by _myself?!_ Did you forget that I don’t know English?   What the fuck am I supposed to do in Chicago?!’

‘My parents live in Chicago. You could stay with them?’

Doyoung shook his head.

‘No. No to that plan. We’re not dragging your parents into this mess. Look, I’ll figure something out by myself. I’m pretty sure Sooyoung doesn’t know where I live, so I’ll be safe at home. I  promise I won’t be like Taeyong.’

Not like Taeyong had purposely gotten himself murdered, but it was a reassurance to stay alive.

‘Be safe, okay? Don’t worry about me, either. If Sooyoung comes to kill me, I’ll just throw an I.V  pole at her.’

Doyoung couldn’t help but smile at the strange mental image of Johnny doing just that. 

‘You do that, then. Just make sure it’s not attached to you when you throw it. I’ll see you tomorrow.'

'Yeah, see you.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe suspense


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does my dumb ass never remember to post on Fridays

Doyoung had no fucking clue what he was going to do with this information. 

He couldn’t go to the police, because what if she _wasn’t_ in the mafia, and they’d just been paranoid? 

And if she was, how would he prove it? It wasn’t like she’d ever said to him ‘hey, tell me more about your friend that got killed by the mafia, because I, a member of the mafia, would like to see if I ever encountered him before he ran away and ruined all our fun’. Doyoung was pretty sure that Sooyoung wouldn’t be stupid enough to say that to someone. 

What if the mafia was working with the police, and that’s why nothing ever really happened with Taeyong’s cases? Oh god, that’s probably how Sooyoung knew of Taeyong’s disappearance. She was keeping tabs, just in case he ever showed up again. No wonder she had been so sad to hear he’d died. She’d missed out on killing him herself. 

If Taeyong had still been alive, then Doyoung would’ve led her right to him. Somewhere, in an alternate universe, that would’ve happened. It was nice to know that, even in parallel worlds, Doyoung would always play a role in Taeyong’s untimely death. 

Thank god she’d never been interested in Johnny, with his hospitalisation having nothing to do with the mafia (unless the mafia had recently recruited lead into their ranks, in that case, they were all fucked). 

Was this how Taeyong had felt, in the months leading up to his disappearance? If so, Doyoung couldn’t see how he’d put up with the feeling of impending doom for so long. It had only been a few hours, and Doyoung already felt like he needed to get the fuck out of Seoul. 

Maybe, he could just lie to Sooyoung. That would be easy, wouldn’t it? He could just text her, and tell her he’s moving to Ulaanbaater, so don’t bother trying to contact him.  Wait. He still had to go back to work, and going back to work meant going back to seeing Sooyoung. Shit. 

Okay, calm down, Doyoung, think of what to do next. 

He could try and meet up with her, and act like everything’s fine. Except everything was not fine, and every time Doyoung looked at his phone to try and text her, the stronger the urge to literally move to Mongolia got. 

Jesus, why couldn’t he stop thinking of Mongolia? Was that a side effect of the painkillers, constant Mongolian thoughts? Why didn’t the pharmacist mention that? 

Alright, brain, stop freaking out. Take some deep breaths. 

Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. Let’s make plans to meet up with Sooyoung, and try and subtly ask her if she’s planning to kill him. 

Okay, great plan.  What to do in the meantime?  Sleep is important, maybe try doing that. Alright, sleep time it is. 

Great work, Doyoung, you’ve literally achieved nothing all day, minus freaking yourself out over the possibility that Sooyoung’s in the  mafia. 

Shut up, brain. 

Jesus christ, Doyoung was a fucking mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe more suspense


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo suspense over

It seemed that another side effect of painkillers was making your heart beat so fast that it felt like it was going to burst at any moment. Or maybe that was just Doyoung. 

Sooyoung had agreed to meet up with him, and Doyoung couldn’t help but feel incredibly nervous, because _oh my god what if she really is in the mafia and wants to kill him._ No, don’t be stupid, Doyoung. She’s not going to murder him in _broad fucking daylight_. 

Okay, calm down. Don’t give yourself an  aneurysm. It’ll be fine. Probably. 

* * *

 

The moment that Sooyoung finally arrived had been the moment that Doyoung had thought his rapidly beating heart was finally going to stop. 

When he’d stopped internally freaking out, and had properly looked at her, it struck him how _normal_ Sooyoung seemed. Like she wasn’t hiding a massive secret.  Shit, maybe he really was just crazy.  Well, if Sooyoung _was_ in the mafia, she’d be pretty good at hiding it, wouldn’t she? 

Wait, stop talking to yourself, she just said  something, what was it? Oh, it was ‘hey, how are you?’

‘I’m fine, thank you. And you?’

Sooyoung raised an eyebrow at him.

‘I’m good. Why are you so nervous? It’s just me.’

Doyoung laughed in a vain attempt to hide his anxiety.

‘Oh, sorry about that. I’m just… thinking about stuff. Other stuff.’

Sooyoung didn’t fall for the blatant lie, but she didn’t call him out, either. 

‘You seem really uncomfortable, do you want to talk outside?’

‘Okay, sure.’

They walked in silence, with an awkward tension between them. Sooyoung gently nudged  Doyoung with her shoulder.

‘Guess you get nervous around lots of people, huh? You never mentioned that before.’

_ It’s not that I’m nervous around people,  _ Doyoung thought,  _ it’s that I’m nervous around  _ you.

‘Here’s fine.’

He stopped just outside a small park.

‘Look, what’s going on with you? You look like you’re about to faint.’

Doyoung felt all the moisture leave his mouth.

‘I just… I… I think you’re creepily obsessed with my dead friends, and it makes you seem like a  serial killer, also I’m worried that you want to kill me!’

Well, that was one way to get to the point. Sooyoung’s eyes had gone comically wide at  Doyoung’s accusations.

‘I… what? You think all that?’

He wordlessly nodded. Sooyoung softly laughed, and dug something out of her purse. Oh shit,  she was going to kill him.

‘Doyoung, I’m not planning to murder you, and I’m sorry if I came off as ‘obsessed’ when I got you to tell me about Taeyong. I’m with the police. You’ve been under investigation, regarding the  murder of Lee Taeyong. I apologise for freaking you out.’

She showed him her badge, and there were only three words that Doyoung could think to say in that moment.

‘What the fuck?’

Sooyoung put her badge away, and looked up at him.

‘What the actual fuck? I’ve been a murder suspect? Why the hell would I kill Taeyong? What the  fuck, you lied to me for  _ three months?! _ ’

‘Look, I’m really sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, you’ve been ruled out as a suspect.’

Doyoung was so mad, he couldn’t even look at her.

‘Why would _that_ make me feel better?! Of fucking course I didn’t kill Taeyong, he was my _friend!_ I trusted you, and  _ this  _ is what happens?!’

He started to walk away from her, but she caught his arm.

‘Doyoung, wait. I’m so sorry for all this, but I had to do it. It’s my job. I’m so sorry, Doyoung,  please forgive me.’

The look in Sooyoung’s eyes seemed genuine, but Doyoung wasn’t sure if he could trust it. 

‘Was everything all just a lie? Was anything you told me true?’

Sooyoung bit her lip.

‘Some of it was… Doyoung, please, I know you’re mad, and you have every right to be. Just,  please don’t leave. Not just yet.’

Doyoung stared straight into her eyes. He could see tears welling, threatening to spill over the  edge of her lashes.

‘Don’t fucking touch me.’

He started walking off again, and this time, it took Sooyoung a few seconds to process it. This  time, she didn’t try and stop him.

‘Doyoung, wait! Please!’

He turned to look at her, at the woman he’d trusted with his thoughts.

‘Go fuck yourself, Sooyoung.’

He didn’t look back. He didn’t hear what she called out after him. He didn’t care about her, not anymore. 

Doyoung had finally opened himself up to someone, and this was how it turned out. A  complete fuckfest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much as soon as I added Sooyoung into this, I wanted to her to 'betray' Doyoung, or at the very least fight with him. I wanted Doyoung to make a 'normal' friend for once, who turns out to be not who he thinks they are.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops I was super busy last night

There was really only one thing he could do, one person he could talk to, following Sooyoung  completely and utterly betraying his trust.

‘Guess what? You were wrong. Sooyoung’s not mafia, she’s with the _fucking police_. Apparently,  I’ve been under investigation for Taeyong’s murder, and she was the one assigned to the case.’

‘Wait… what? She’s in the police? The police thought you killed Taeyong?’

Doyoung shrugged.

‘They didn’t have any real suspects, so they investigated me. I told her to go fuck herself.’

Johnny looked disappointed, but it wasn’t clear if it was because of Sooyoung’s actions, or  because of Doyoung’s.

‘What did she say to you after that?’

Doyoung shrugged again.

‘Hell if I know. Probably ‘please forgive me for lying to you for three fucking months’.’

‘Sounds like she was really upset.’

Doyoung snorted.

**** ‘She shouldn’t be. It’s  _ her _ that lied, not me. She’s just trying to play the victim.’

For all Doyoung cared, Sooyoung could go throw herself into an active volcano. He couldn’t believe that he’d trusted her, and that their whole friendship had turned out to be one big fucking lie. 

There was _nothing_ that was going to make him forgive her. No amount of begging, or  teary-eyed looks, or whatever the fuck Sooyoung did to try and convince him. Nothing. 

‘I just… I can’t believe she turned out like that. She seemed like such a nice person.’

‘Yeah, well, she’s an awful person, and a massive fucking liar. I can’t believe I fell for all that. I  feel like a goddamn idiot.’

Doyoung didn’t even try to conceal his bitter tone. 

‘What happens now?’

That was a question that genuinely stumped him. What _does_ happen now? 

Sooyoung had just revealed her actual profession, so it wasn’t likely that they’d continue to be coworkers. Since,  y’know, she didn’t even work there.

‘I guess… Sooyoung leaves, and I never see her again.’

There was a pang of… _something_ , inside Doyoung’s chest. Was he _sad,_ that he was never going to see Sooyoung again?  Sure, she’d betrayed his trust, but she had been a genuine friend to him, even if it was all an act. He didn’t think he’d feel this way about the fact they weren’t going to meet again. It was conflicting.  On one hand, he hated her, but on the other, he’d enjoyed having her around, and the time that they’d spent together. 

Fuck, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Why couldn’t he just stay angry? Why did emotions have to complicate everything? 

It didn’t really matter what he felt, they were obviously never going to go back to being the way they were before. There was no way they could just ignore what had just happened. 

Doyoung had to  let her go, forget about her. For his sake, and for Sooyoung’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last line is really emo lmao


	17. Epilogue - Sooyoung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS ISN'T THE END!!!

_ Being assigned to murder cases was never a pleasant experience, considering they were about solving a person’s death, but this one really took the cake.  _

_ It’d been almost a year since Lee Taeyong’s body had been found in that alleyway, and Sooyoung still had no clue as to who had done it to him, ‘it’ being stabbing him multiple times in the torso.  _

_ The one suspect that they’d had, the one person in the whole of Seoul that seemed to know who Taeyong was, had turned out to be entirely innocent following Sooyoung’s three-month investigation of him.  _

_ Also, he hated her. _

_ The only helpful thing that had come of that entire investigation, was finding out that Doyoung believed the mafia had killed Taeyong. Well, it wasn’t exactly ‘helpful’, since neither of them knew anyone with mafia ties, so it was really a dead end.  _

_ But it was a start. Sort of. It narrowed down their search to anyone with links to Seoul’s organized crime, which sounded helpful, but in reality, it really wasn’t. None of the people she’d interrogated had ever seen Taeyong, which automatically ruled them out as having killed him.  _

_ It was a waiting game, that’s what it was. _ _ Sooyoung just had to wait for the one person who knew of Taeyong, and from there, she could possibly track down his killer. She just had to wait. And soon, she got sick of waiting.  _

_It was_ boring _ _, being assigned to a case colder than Siberia. All she really did was look at the same few files over and over, searching for one tiny piece of evidence that she’d somehow missed. Well, she never found__ that, ___but she did find two spelling errors, which were much less exciting.___

_ _ _ All in all, it was an incredibly boring two months if you happened to be Sooyoung, up until Yerim burst  _ _ _ _ into the office, and practically dragged her to interrogate ‘some kid’.  _

_ ‘I’m telling you, I think he knows something about the Lee Taeyong case.’ _

_ Sooyoung resisted the urge to roll her eyes. _

_ You said that last time. What’s so special about this kid?’ _

_ ‘He’s not just some bored teenager who decided robbing a convenience store was a good idea, he’s way different from that. Big time stuff, illegal possession of firearms, tons of cash lying  _ _ around his apartment, a couple hundred thousand dollars, easily. Reckon he’s our guy?’ _

_ Firearms. Large amount of money. That certainly was _something different. Maybe, this kid could_ _ _ lead them to Taeyong’s killer. Just maybe. _

_ ‘What’s his name?’ _

_ ‘Donghyuck. Lee Donghyuck. 22 years old, originally from Jeju,  just graduated college.’ _

_ Sooyoung raised an eyebrow at that. _

_ ‘Sounds like someone did their homework.’ _

_ Yerim blushed slightly. _

_ ‘He was more than happy to fill in some details. You’ll have an easy time seeing if he’s any use  _ _ or not.’ _

_ ‘I hope so. It’s about time we got somewhere with Lee Taeyong’s murder. Anything else I should  _ _ know about him?’ _

_ Yerim chewed on her lip a little, as she racked through her brain. _

_ ‘No, that’s about it. Anyway, good luck! I’ll see you afterwards!’ _

_ With those words of encouragement, she skipped off, leaving Sooyoung alone. Well, not technically alone. Lee Donghyuck was right behind that door, and Sooyoung hoped that he’d  _ _ finally bring some answers. _

* * *

_ ‘Hello, Donghyuck. My name is Sooyoung, I’m here to talk to you. You wanna tell me what  _ _ you’re in for?’ _

_ Donghyuck just stared at her. He didn’t  _ look _ _ like a potential mafia, he looked like a sulky  _ _ _ teenager, mad because he didn’t get his way. _

_ ‘Don’t fucking call me that.’ _

_ Oh, okay, so he was playing ‘annoy the interrogator’. The joke was on him, Sooyoung was a  _ _ master at that game. _

_ ‘Call you what? Donghyuck? Because from what I’ve been told, that’s your name.’ _

_ ‘Well, you were told wrong. My name’s Haechan.’ _

_ It was then that she noticed what his voice sounded like. He spoke light, contrasting with the  _ _ aggressive way he was glaring at her. _

_ ‘Oh, sorry then, Haechan. Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. Why are you here?’ _

_ Haechan rolled his eyes at that. _

_ ‘Because some bitch decided to handcuff me to a table, that’s why I’m here.’ _

_ Wow. Okay, first of all, did his mother not teach him to respect women. Looks like someone  _ _ needed to wash his mouth out with soap. _

_ ‘Well, according to that ‘bitch’, you’re here because the police raided your apartment and found  _ _ illegal firearms and large amounts of cash. Sound familiar? Or have I been told wrong again?’ _

_ Haechan lunged at her over the table. Or at least, he tried to, courtesy of his left wrist being  _ _ cuffed to the table. _

_ ‘Ow, fuck. Look, what the hell am I doing here, if you already know what I did? What’s the  _ _ fucking point?’ _

_ Sooyoung opened up her folder, and slid two photos across to him. _

_ ‘On the night of May 15th, Lee Taeyong was brutally stabbed to death in an alleyway. His body  _ _ was found the next day. You know anything about this?’ _

_ Haechan glanced at the first picture, the one of Taeyong back when he’d first gone missing. He  _ _ audibly gagged when he looked at the second, of Taeyong’s body pre-autopsy. _

_ ‘Yeah, I think I’ve seen him before.’ _

_ Sooyoung dropped the bad-cop act as soon as she heard him say that. _

_ ‘Wait, really? When have you seen him?’ _

_ He thought for a moment, before responding. _

_ ‘Six years ago. I saw him tied to a chair in an office, and he was bawling his fucking eyes out.’ _

_ Wait, hold on. Did Haechan just admit to being with the mafia? Damn, Yerim wasn’t kidding when  _ _ she said he was their guy. _

_ ‘And how did you end up seeing that, Donghyuck?’ _

_ ‘Haechan.’ _

_ ‘Whatever.’ _

_ He mumbled a ‘bitch’ under his breath. _

_ ‘Because I’m the one who told them to do it to him.’ _

_ Damn, Yerim was right again. She barely had to question him. _

_ ‘Who are ‘they’, and what did they do?’ _

_ ‘’They’ work for me, and they did what I told them to do.’ _

_ Sooyoung paused for a second, before she asked him her next question. _

_ ‘Did you tell them to kill Taeyong?’ _

_ Haechan wasted no time in responding. _

_ ‘Nope. But I know who killed him.’ _

_ It took every professional bone in her body to resist the urge to grab him by the collar. _

_ ‘And who is that, Haechan?’ _

_ He gave her a grin, that in any other circumstances she’d describe as charming. But not now.  _

_ Now, it made him look every inch the gangster that he was.  _

_ ‘Me.’ _

_ Sooyoung lunged at him, and the rest of the world seemed to fade away. _

* * *

 

_ When her vision finally cleared, they were still in the same place. But there was something different about it. Sooyoung couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she deduced that it was probably the blood dripping down Haechan’s face.  _

_ Fuck. What had she done to him, in that brief moment of rage? Thankfully, she didn’t have to wonder any longer than that, because he started  _ _ screaming at her. _

_ ‘You crazy bitch! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why’d you do that for?!’ _

_ It was then when she chose to glance down at her hands. Which were shaking. There was blood on one of them, and it didn’t take a genius to figure whose blood it was, and how it had gotten there. She’d punched him. That was probably going to get her in trouble.  _

_ But trouble was the last thing on her mind. She’d finally found the answer to the question that had plagued her for almost a year. She knew who killed Lee Taeyong. _

_ And even though she soon found herself  _ _ sitting in the office of her superior, it didn’t really bother her too much. _

_ ‘Sooyoung, that was deeply unprofessional of you. I expected better.’ _

_ Joohyun might not have been the tallest of people, but she had a way of staring at a person, and  _ _ making them feel much, much smaller than they really were. _

_ ‘I’m really sorry. I don’t know what came over me.’ _

_ Joohyun sighed. _

_ ‘Well, on one hand, I should praise you for solving your assigned case, but on the other hand,  _ _ you assaulted the person you were meant to be interrogating. So, congratulations, I’m very  _ _ disappointed in you.’ _

_ Sooyoung looked down at her hands, not willing to face Joohyun’s gaze. _

_ ‘Is Donghyuck alright?’ _

_ Joohyun choked on her coffee. _

_ ‘He  _ killed  _ a man, and you want to know if he’s alright?!’ _

_ Sooyoung only nodded. _

_ ‘Well, you broke his nose, but I doubt he’ll be worrying about that. We’re setting up a date for his  _ _ trial, and you’ll be testifying at it.’ _

_ ‘Wait, really?’ _

_ Joohyun laughed softly. _

_ ‘Why are you so surprised? It’s your case, and you’re the one who got him to confess. Nice job,  _ _ Park.’ _

_ Sooyoung mumbled out a ‘thank you’, and took it as a sign she could leave. _

_ ‘Oh, before you go, is there any way you could contact Kim Doyoung? We want him to testify as  _ _ well.’ _

_ Doyoung. Sooyoung had almost forgotten about him. She wasn’t quite sure if he’d even pick up  _ _ if she called him, but she wasn’t about to say no to Joohyun. _

_ ‘I’ll try my best to.’ _

_ Joohyun smiled. _

_ ‘Good. You can go now, Sooyoung.’ _

_ She bowed once before exiting, and left the office. She gathered her things from her desk, and left.  _

_ She had to call Doyoung. He might hate her, but this was important. She pulled out her  _ _ phone, and pressed ‘call’, hoping to whatever god there was that he would answer. _

_ ‘Hello? Who is this?’ _

_ Sooyoung resisted the urge to thank god. _

_ ‘Kim Doyoung? This is Park Sooyoung, from the police department. You’re wanted to testify at a  _ _ murder trial. You’re in our files as a friend of the deceased, Lee Taeyong.’ _

_ There was a moment of silence, and she was worried that he’d hung up.  _

_ ‘Wait, what? They found who killed Taeyong? When did that happen?’ _

_ ‘About half an hour ago. Would you be able to testify?’ _

_ Another beat of silence. _

_ ‘Yes, of course. I’ll definitely be able to.’ _

_ Sooyoung was holding back tears, but she tried not to let it show in her voice. _

_ ‘I’m sorry, Doyoung, for what I did to you. I’m sorry I lied, and I’m sorry I betrayed your trust.’ _

_ ‘You’re the one who found Taeyong’s killer.’ _

_ It wasn’t a question, but a statement. _

_ ‘Yes, I did. I found the guy that killed Taeyong.’ _

_ Another silence, but this time she could hear him take in a deep breath. _

_ ‘Thank you.’ _

_ Sooyoung started crying. She couldn’t help it.  _

_ ‘Oh shit, don’t cry, I don’t know what to say if you’re crying.’ _

_ She laughed a little, through her tears. _

_ ‘Sooyoung? You good?’ _

_ ‘Yeah, I’m good.’ _

_ She sniffed. _

_ ‘Anything else to tell me? Cause I gotta go.’ _

_ She almost shook her head, but then remember that Doyoung couldn’t see her. _

_ ‘No, that’s it. I’m glad you answered.’ _

_ He didn’t say anything in response, and she was worried he’d left. _

_ ‘Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! Johnny got out of the hospital a month ago, he said he’s never  _ _ going back again because he hated it so much. No more lead poisoning.’ _

_ ‘Really? That’s great! Look, I’ll let you go now, and I’ll call you closer to the trial date, okay?’ _

_ ‘Yeah, that’s fine.’ _

_ She was just about to hang up, but his voice stopped her. _

_ ‘Sooyoung?’ _

_ ‘Yeah?’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry, too.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops this is really long, but the last chapter is really short, so it cancels out (also, yes, Sooyoung gets a redemption arc because I said so.)


	18. Epilogue - Doyoung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun facts about where the fuck I've been since the last time I updated this
> 
> First, I was on the verge of failing my art class, so I had a few weeks of straight panic to get like four pieces finished in week. For obvious reasons, I could not update during that time.
> 
> Secondly, mock exams snuck up and knocked me over the head, so there went two weeks of my time. I was too burned out to update after all that. Then it was the school holidays, and honestly all I did was sleep. So, no update then.
> 
> Finally, I had my actual exams. Technically I could've updated before exam leave started, but I was in too much of a panic over how badly I was going to fail everything. 
> 
> So, there's my excuse for disappearing for a solid four months. Sorry.

No one knew when the world was going to end.  People can theorize all they want, but no one was sure of the exact time and date the apocalypse would bring about the end of mankind. 

Kim Doyoung was not one of those people. 

Kim Doyoung believed the world _was_ going to end, but he didn’t really care when it did. It wasn’t that he was depressed, in fact, it was the opposite. Doyoung was happy. That’s why he didn’t care. Everything must come to an end, and Doyoung had accepted that. 

Everything ends. Hospital stays, friendships, even the Earth itself, they all had an ending. Doyoung had an ending. He didn’t know when it was, but he knew that he had one.  The cruel hand of Death spared no one, no matter what a person did during their time alive. 

Everyone dies. You just have to accept it. 

Doyoung had spent many months refusing to accept the deaths of two people, and he regretted those times. It was no use, no matter how hard he tried, Ten and Taeyong were never going to come back. It was better to remember them for what they’d done while alive, and not for the tragic ways that they’d died. 

It had taken Doyoung a while, but finally he’d accepted it. Ten and Taeyong were dead, and would remain so until the end of time. 

And someday, when he’d reached his end, Doyoung would see them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap, folks.


End file.
